Nimmy Interviews Harry Potter and Co
by Nimmy Heart
Summary: Nimmy has finally recieved a talkshow on day time t.v., but can she up hold this honor? With her wacky guests, and bizarre incidents, what's a girl to do?! Please R/R no flames (chap 4 up)
1. Chapter 1 Meet Nimmy

Nimmy interviews Lord Voldemort on Nimmy's new hit talk show, 'Nimmy Speaks- So Silence Mortal!!!'  
  
Nimmy: So... *opens envolope* Ah... Lord Voldemort...  
  
Voldemort: *hiss*  
  
Nimmy: ((nervous)) heh... heh... moving right along... Nice day today...Eh...? erm... Voldemort... can I call you Voldie? You're a nice evil, world dominating wizard, yes you are.... ((baby talk))  
  
Voldemort: No! I'm not nice! And today isn't nice! Can I kill Harry yet? AND THAT'S LORD VOLDEMORT TO YOU!!!  
  
Nimmy: Why in the world would you want to kill Harry? When you could have this... *holds up a Harry Potter book- book 5 to be exact; crowd oooh's and ahhhh's* The unreleased copy *grins*  
  
Voldemort: *tear comes to his eye* See! This is what I mean! EVERYBODY loves Harry, no one loves Lord Voldemort, its always Harry this, Harry that, no one wants a book called "Voldemort and The Philosopher's Stone" or "Voldemort and The Chamber of Secrets" its always about Harry Potter!!  
  
Nimmy: Is that why your eyes are always so red...? ((Cheerful; yet inquisitive))  
  
Voldemort: Either that or sleep deprivation, you see... I've done something bad that I have to deal with everyday. I've killed muggles, in large mass quantities. It pains me so much...   
  
Nimmy: Really...?   
  
Voldemort: No.  
  
Nimmy: I was going to say... "Voldemort-er... LORD Voldemort feeling remorse? Ya right!"  
  
Voldemort: Everyone always assumes I don't have a heart! Well, what if I did?   
  
Nimmy: Well, do you?  
  
Voldemort: No, but thats my point, you don't see the sensitive side of me. And neither do any of you! I don't need your sympathy! *takes out wand and kills random member of the audience to make himself feel better*  
  
Nimmy: HEY! That was un called for! You apologize right now! *mutters* no wonder he isn't married, I mean look at him, the snake appearence is so out. And he's so mean!  
  
*Snape walks in*  
  
Nimmy: And here is the Potions teacher we all LOVE to HATE! Severus Snape! Hey that rhymes! His favorite past times are... Taking points from Gryffindor!  
  
Snape: Quiet, you! ten points from Gryffindor!  
  
*Harry stands up*  
  
Harry: Hey! She doesn't even go to Hogwarts!  
  
Snape: Okay, then the ten points were lost because of YOU! Potter! As long as I take the points, I'm happy! MUAHAHAHAH!!! *evil laugh*  
  
*Harry sits back down swearing*  
  
Nimmy: Severus, may I call you Snape the Ape? Or Sever? Or Sev? Or Sevvy?  
  
Snape: Shut up!   
  
Nimmy: Okay, fine, I'll call you grease ball! *holds up deep cleansing shampoo* after the show, I need you to use this in your hair. Your hair is disgusting.  
  
Snape: ...  
  
Voldemort: GIVE ME CHEESE OR GIVE ME POTTER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Nimmy: *Holds out a flower pot with a lightning bolt on it* Its name is Potter... *and then holds out cheese* this is Potter too... which one do you want?  
  
Voldemort: Time for the Random Ballet of the Day... and today's ballet is Swan Lake. I tell the story, and dance, and you get to watch me. I have a video, called "Dances with Voldie," erm... Actually its "Dances with Voldemort"... *Voldemort puts pointe shoes, and a tu- tu and hums swan lake theme, wand is transformed to one of those fairy god mother, star at the tip, glittery wands (If you don't know it, its kinda like: du du du du du dududu du du du du dude dudu du du du... du du du du du... and on the end du du du du du... du du du du du Voldemort takes out his wand and kills random audience members, so the 'victims' drop in rythm- not to mention do that 'oooph' groan thing as they die... so its like: "ooph ooph ooph ooph ooph, ooph oooph oooph oooph oooph...)*  
  
Nimmy: erm... We practiced that dance... wait! Stop! You have the arms wrong! *does dance* SEE!! Okay... *sits back down* Harry Potter, you may come up now.  
  
Harry: Hi! I'm Harry! *fearful now* Voldie's gone mad hasn't he?  
  
Nimmy: Well aware thanks, this is my talk show...  
  
Snape: *reaches over and tries to strangle Harry*  
  
Harry: *fights Snape off* *mutters* Lousy greasey, git...  
  
Nimmy: Boys, boys! Now, Now... no fighting... I hardly think Professor Dumbledore would commend you for killing a student.  
  
Snape: Well... I just thought---  
  
Nimmy: No means NO! You can't kill him! He can't die!  
  
((*Voldemort is at the du du du du du du... du du du du du, and at the last du, the person drops with an out of key "ooph" so....*))  
  
Voldemort: Shall we try that again? *resumes killing to the same tune* ah... much better... stay in key! That is the key!  
  
Nimmy: Voldemort, I demand you stop killing people!  
  
Voldemort: *red eyes light up* oooh! Who's gonna make me? I'm scared... *fake shiver*  
  
Nimmy and Harry: I will! *Nimmy and Harry look at eachother, startled they both said the same thing*  
  
Voldemort: You and what army?   
  
*Nimmy and Harry don't hear*  
  
Nimmy: Try that again, shall I? *growls at Harry* You always have to be the hero! I don't remember having two voices...  
  
Voldemort: You and what army? *a little louder*  
  
Harry: Sorry, I thought you might want help. I've taken him down before... you know...? and plus... you're kinda cute...  
  
Nimmy: You think? becau--  
  
Voldemort: I SAID: YOU AND WHAT ARMY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Nimmy: *turns to Voldemort* Thats it! You b.-stard (trying not to curse)! Get off my show! I was just being flirted with by Harry Potter! You know!? Dan Radcliffe look alike! Or is is vise versa...? oh well who cares! Just get the hell... erm heck off my show!!!!!!!  
  
Voldemort: *still in costume* ::Voldemort's wand hangs by his side, he looks quite glum:: *thinks for a second then raises wand and begins to speak* ... If I were to possibley do a differen---  
  
Nimmy: NO! I do not promote killing random audience members for pleasure even if there is a ballet with good music behind it! Now I would hardly call your flailing your arms and legs around a ballet, and that horrible 'du du du' noise music! ... one or two audience members, okay fine... three if they're being obnoxious, but... NO! Wait! No more killing! You've already killed 60 audience members!!  
  
Voldemort: My, my... is it 60 already? ((surprised))  
  
Nimmy: Yes... I mean YES! Now off!! 


	2. Chapter 2 And How About Sam?

Nimmy: *looks at Voldemort who is whining* Shut up...   
  
Voldemort: can I please stay on the show?  
  
Nimmy: No.  
  
Voldemort: can I please stay on the show?  
  
Nimmy: No.  
  
Voldemort: can I please stay on the show?  
  
Nimmy: No.  
  
Voldemort: can I please stay on the show?  
  
Nimmy: No.  
  
*this goes on for hours*   
  
*sam a mysterious witch walks in and whats left of the Audience after Voldie's... erm... ballet, if you could call it that... goes wild... erm... sorta wild, as wild as to be expected from an Audience that has lost 60 members already*   
  
Nimmy: *gives Voldie a good, hard kick, and tells him to rot in the place he came from* And please welcome Sam, I trust she needs no introduction... okay well... since she might, Sam tell us about yourself *smiles and kicks Voldie again from under her chair*   
  
sam: well i am a modern pureblood witch. i am one of the strongest in the world and voldemort tried to kill me once   
  
Nimmy: Oh?   
  
Nimmy: How?   
  
sam: yes he came to my house killed my parents *wipes away a tear* and tried to kill me to but i survived kinda like harry's story only i defended myself with magic   
  
Nimmy: This was before Harry right?   
  
sam: yes   
  
Harry: *kicks sam from under chair; glaring*  
  
Nimmy: Harry! I saw that...   
  
Harry: *innocintly* saw what?   
  
sam: Ow! what was that for harry?   
  
Nimmy: He must be jelious   
  
Harry: Am not!   
  
Nimmy: are too!   
  
sam: then why did you kick me?   
  
Harry: Nu-uh! I'm not jelious *grows nose like Pinnochio*   
  
sam: uh huh   
  
Harry: because I'm the boy who lived... you cant be "the girl who lived"   
  
Nimmy: Harry thats jeliousy, you don't want anyone taking your spot light   
  
sam: well what am i *the girl that died and came bak to life*?   
  
Nimmy: yes... you must be the girl who died and came back to life, I read about you...   
  
Harry: Nimmy! Give her the boot just like you did to voldie!   
  
Nimmy: No!  
  
Harry: Yes!  
  
Nimmy: No!  
  
Harry: Yes!  
  
Nimmy: No!  
  
Harry: Yes!  
  
Nimmy: No!  
  
Harry: Yes!  
  
Nimmy: No!  
  
Harry: Yes!  
  
Nimmy: No!  
  
Harry: Yes!  
  
Nimmy: No!  
  
Harry: Yes!   
  
*10 minutes later...*  
  
sam: o ya i am the girl who died and came bak to life  
  
sam: how dare you say to boot me off!! *kicks harry the hardest she could*   
  
Harry: *sits there stupidly* well that was painful, and it took you that long to realize...   
  
sam: i hope it was painful, and I was thinking, so it wasn't my fault!!!!!!!! *smiles to nimmy*   
  
Nimmy: *smiles back* *evil grin to harry* you know... Harry, wouldnt it be very funny if you asked hermione out?   
  
Harry: I can't find Hermione, let alone Ron. And anyway, I don't like Hermione   
  
Nimmy: Ah... l'amour l'amour... and then denial denial... well then... out with it harry, who do you like?   
  
Harry: *blushes* I'd rather not... erm... say... since you know her very well...  
  
sam: yes it would be funny to ask her out... or whoever you liii-ike *teasing voice* *stares at harry* o i wonder why you cant find them... *smiles and evil grin* But truthfully, Harry... who is it?   
  
Harry: *looks at Nimmy*   
  
Nimmy: The pain! The HORROR!! Actually just the horror... wait! What am I saying!?! I like you too Harry! Even though you're fictional... *covers mouth* oops...  
  
Nimmy: look! Snape is looking quite pale *changes subject*   
  
Snape: *groan: AHHHHHHH *softer and softer* hhhhh....gggghhh *faints*   
  
Harry: *still quiet; comtemplating what him being "fictional" means...* *Harry thinks in that echoey voice that TV people when they think* (this will be used when anyone thinks things that I THINK should be heard) ~... Fictional... I can't be a book charecter, it must be "girlenese" for 'boring' or 'stupid' or... *gulp* 'ugly'?! No... that can't be... she said she loves me... erm... likes me... I wish she loved me... I love her... but I can't be a book charecter~  
  
sam: uh o i wonder why that happened... *evil grin gets bigger*   
  
Nimmy: Sam...? what did you do?   
  
sam: its not like i made a bad potion for him to test purposly *evil grin gets as big as it can*  
  
Nimmy: Well... what happened to Hermione and Ron?  
  
Harry: *shrugs* Didn't you know?  
  
Nimmy: Know what? I know all! *evil laugh*  
  
Harry: Obviously not this...  
  
*Voldemort comes back in, rubbing his backside*  
  
Voldemort: That was quite a kick.  
  
Nimmy: Thank you much.  
  
Sam: Nimmy, that isn't really correct grammer...  
  
Nimmy: I know  
  
Voldemort: So what are we talking about? Oh and I saw Ron and Hermione making out backstage... And WHO is this? *looks at Sam*  
  
Sam: *nervous* heh... heh... um... n- no one...  
  
Voldemort: What'd'ya say we go out tonight?  
  
Sam: *raises wand---* ADVRA KADAVRA!!!!!!!!!   
  
Voldemort: *dies*  
  
Audience: yay... *monotone* ((and there was much rejoicing...))((from what was left of the audience)) (((I love Monty Python...)))  
  
Nimmy: Well that solves that problem...  
  
Sam: *kicks dead Voldie* That was for killing Cedric, attempting to kill me, not killing Harry (not like he didn't try...), or Malfoy... *an so on and so forth*  
  
*One hour later after Sam has finished her list*  
  
Nimmy: You forgot a couple of people...  
  
Harry: ... *still thinking* ~Okay... I'm going to speak up...~ Nimmy...? what do you mean by fictional?  
  
Nimmy: *gasp* You don't know?  
  
Harry: Know what?! You love me! Tell me!!  
  
Nimmy: I never said I LOVED you... but now that you mention it...  
  
Sam: You love him...? *disgusted*  
  
Nimmy: Maaaaybe...  
  
Harry: Well...? I need an answer...  
  
Nimmy: To what question?  
  
Harry: To both!  
  
Nimmy: Both of what?  
  
Harry: The questions!  
  
Nimmy: WHAT QUESTIONS?!  
  
Announcer: And now... a comercial break...  
  
**Britney Spears' Album Comercial**  
  
*Blonde girl that strangely resembles Britney herself with a wig on comes out*  
  
*Girl is dressed in a denim mini skirt that is very short--- too short, and a cammie, with black boots that go up past the knees*  
  
Girl: Like OH MY GAWD!!! Like this album is like tote'lly cool! And it made me cool too! I went from this:  
  
*Picture of girl with glasses on, her face is oily*   
  
Girl: To like this!:  
  
*picture of self*  
  
*Another girl walks on, it looks like Britney with a brown wig on, same attire as the other girl*  
  
Girl 2: And I lost 25 lbs. with her new album!   
  
*another girl comes out, her hair is blonde, same attire as last two girls*  
  
Girl 3: And this taught me how to red... I mean read!  
  
Girls 1 and 2 together: Thank you, Britney!!!  
  
Girl 3: What's this say again?  
  
*Britney comes on*  
  
Britney: That's right girls! If you need a new look or help, buy my album. You know, it can be hard to live up to the expoctz--- Damn... umm... Darn... Martin... Whats the word? *yells past camera*  
  
Muffled Voice: Expectations!  
  
Britney: Thanks! It can be hard to live up to the expectations of others... Believe me, I know. That's why I hired other people to write my music for me--- *claps hand over mouth* I mean... Thats why I, MYSELF, wrote the song, 'I'm not a Girl, Not yet a Woman.' Then what am I, you ask? A man, baby... *claps hand over mouth* erm... actually I mean...What am I to say that to say my album will work for you? A person. And I need YOU to try it. And I know it will work for you! So call this toll number now. The number is at the bottom of your screen. Martin! *whine* I don't see it! Why isn't it popping up!? Should I just read the number? *waits* Okay! 1-868-232-599 ((not a real number, I just made it up... lol)) call in the next ten minutes and you will recieve this doll of me! Thats right! Me! And it.... er she... sings my repetitive songs, that corrupt today's youth, such as "Oops I did it again" as her skirt comes off. And it sings "Hit me Baby One More Time" frequently. And it also cries as you hit her, and interacts with the doll of Justin Timberlake... Watch this!  
  
*Britney Spears in pigtails, and a pink flowered dress comes out with a Britney Spears Doll*  
  
*Christina Aguilera comes out in pigtails, wearing a lavender floral patterned dress, with a hole cut in the center to show her belly button; she has Interactive an Justin Timberlake Doll at her side*  
  
*Both sit down frowning at eachother*  
  
Britney: I can't believe I have to work with YOU!!  
  
Christina: Well I was in Lady Marmelade! And you weren't and everyone hates you!  
  
Britney: Bit---  
  
*see a guy come out and whisper something to both of them*  
  
*Both shoot dirty looks at eachother and go on*  
  
Christina: *talks in a forced man's voice* Hi, Britney! Would you like to go out on a date?  
  
Britney: *own voice* Yes, Justin! I'd love to!  
  
Christina: Would you like to go steady? ~Now I'll break her dolls heart *thinks evil laugh* and then I'll break her plastic nose, Britney's that is...~ ~More plastic than a Barbie doll, or a Britney Spears doll~ *snickers*  
  
Britney: I'd love to! ~Man I'd like to bitch slap her...~  
  
Christina: *makes Justin doll come over to Britney doll* *makes Justin Doll give Britney Doll a kiss*   
  
*Dolls have magnetized lips and a timer on when to release the magnets...*  
  
Christina: *own voice* They're stuck! My doll is stuck to your doll!   
  
Britney: AWWW! Look they love eachother!!!!   
  
Christina: ew...   
  
*They finally manage to pull dolls away*  
  
Christina: *forced voice* Britney, you are a terrible kisser! I am breaking up with you! And you sing bad!  
  
*upon hearing these words, the Britney Doll's eyes tear and the cold water from the tears causes the once happy face, into a sad face*  
  
Britney: BEE-OTCH!! *Jumps on Christina*   
  
*Cat fight*  
  
Anouncer: You've heard the word! Buy Britney's Album!   
  
**And you shall wait until the next chapter to hear more... the answer next time on... "Nimmy Speaks- So Silence Mortal!!!" only on ABCOBC (Already Been Chewed Over Broadcasting Company)** 


	3. Chapter 3 Dan Radcliffe enters

nimmy: welcome back to another exciting episode of "Nimmy speaks so Silence Mortal"... that last comercial was er... scarey...  
  
harry: two words, hell yeah.  
  
snape: *asleep* mummy, don't let the chipmunks get me...  
  
harry: ::snorts with laughter::  
  
voldemort: *asleep as well ((a/n: looks like the villians are asleep))* frenchie, sing me the song about the yellow penguin.  
  
nimmy and harry: o.0  
  
snape: ::snore:: ::singing in a dazed voice:: If you wannabe my loooooover...  
  
nimmy and harry: 0.0 wtf?!  
  
harry: nimmy, we should really wake them up.  
  
nimmy: why spoil the fun?? *ahem* okay... our next guest is... *opens envolope* young Sirius Black. Don't ask how we got him on the show. But HOT DAMN! He's fine. *covers mouth* heh heh *^^;;*  
  
sirius: *walks on waving; sits down next to nimmy's desk* ((A/N: don't as why she has a desk in the middle of a show... she just does, like er... well whatever shows do...)) Hi, Nimmy.  
  
nimmy: so... you're seventeen? last year of hogwarts...? Lily and James still alive...? ((*tear tear*))  
  
harry: *sob*  
  
sirius: er... yes and yes and err... last time I checked... yes. Who the hell is he? He looks like James... only he has Lily's eyes... o.0  
  
harry: ::mutters something:: ((A/N: My little puppy is asleep... aww he's so kyooote ^^))  
  
nimmy: he's er... my er... boyfriend...   
  
harry: *looks up* but I'm older than you... I'm fifteen.  
  
nimmy: your point... *whispers* just go along with it...  
  
harry: er... yeah... I do love my Nimmy.  
  
nimmy: ^^;; well he isn't completely lying...  
  
harry: 'sright! no one mess wit my girl, a'ight?  
  
nimmy: ::falls over; anime style::   
  
sirius: I'm outta here... you guys are messed up.  
  
nimmy: waaaaaaaaaaaait! *gets up and pushes harry out of the way* I love your blue eyes! *blink blink*  
  
sirius: 0.0 okay... now I'm really leaving.  
  
nimmy: fine, be that way, mess up my fan fiction why dont'cha. ::as sirius leaves she opens the next envelope:: please welcome... *reads it over again in disbelief* OMG OMG OMG!!! *faints with happiness*  
  
harry: *picks up envelope* Dan Radcliffe... who's he?  
  
nimmy: *snatches envelope* only one of the hottest guys ever!!  
  
dan: *walks in smiling and sits where sirius was supposed to be* hi, I'm dan.  
  
nimmy: *drool* heh heh ^^;; er... hi hi   
  
dan: *backs up* ((A/N: Geez! I can't even get him in my own fan fiction, that's pathetic...))   
  
harry: she didn't act like this when I came on... she was bitter, and mean, and cold! ::whines::  
  
nimmy: *falls over the side of her chair* WHA?! eep! ow! mutti... *rubs her head* my poor head...  
  
harry: I knew you didn't love me... ::sniffle:: *set changes from Nimmy's set to a soap opera set*  
  
dan: my agent told me this was an interview, not a stay at the Lunatic Inn.  
  
nimmy: *stops strangling harry; looks at dan* no! don't go! pleeeeeeease!  
  
harry: *lifts his head up and looks at dan* don't leave me alone with her... please! she's obsessive, and strange, and--  
  
nimmy: the author of this fanfiction, so you have to obey me! *insert evil laugh of your choice here* ::takes out a piece of pepperoni pizza and hits harry on the head with it::  
  
harry: oooh yummy...  
  
dan: er...   
  
harry: *stands up* *pokes dan in the ribs* you look like me... only you don't have glasses. *poke poke poke*   
  
dan: o.0  
  
harry: *hands him his glasses* I want to see if you look like me with them on.  
  
dan: *puts them on and falls over* everything is... BLURRY! MY EYES...  
  
nimmy: *smacks forehead* oy vey! ::takes glasses off dan:: Harry, yes, you two are almost identical. Dan, you shouldn't have put them on, because they are perscription glasses, not like your harry potter glasses on the set.  
  
harry: what set? I have a set?! I demand to know about it!  
  
dan: well... its kinda... its... ::thinks and then settles on one idea:: got lots of people  
  
nimmy: *.* really...? tell me more about it...  
  
harry: see what I mean obsessed?  
  
dan: *nods solemnly*  
  
harry: I've known her longer than you. *picking a fight*  
  
nimmy: ...  
  
snape: ::snorts in his sleep:: DON'T PUT THE PENGUINS IN THE BLENDER, NANA!  
  
nimmy: *rolls eyes and pokes snape with a large staff*  
  
harry: *gasps* is that...?  
  
nimmy: is it what? is it that snapes dead?? *yawns boredly as she pokes snape causing him to moan in his sleep* don't think so... better luck next time.  
  
harry: no... I think thats the Staff of Merlin... but how did YOU get it...?  
  
nimmy: would merlin be that old guy...?  
  
harry: yes.  
  
nimmy: oops.  
  
harry: what do you mean oops?  
  
nimmy: I mean he was wandering around the set and then... well he... he kinda clutched his heart and said: "Look at me..." and I was like: "Why? You're old... no offense, but you really don't look like you have any money hidden away, and anyway, I'm not really the old person type..." and then he rolled over and died. *shrugs* I thought this staff looked cool... and I took it from him. See its made of wood, and it has a vine wrapped around it... 0.0  
  
harry: *smacks forehead*  
  
dan: o.0   
  
nimmy: well he was old anyway...  
  
harry: that's not the point... oh godddddddd you've killed merlin!  
  
nimmy: you say it like its a bad thing... I didn't mean to...  
  
dan: er... wait... didn't melin dissapear for a couple hundred years...?  
  
nimmy: I dunno...  
  
harry: ::moaning and repeating himself:: you've killed merlin... you've killed merlin...  
  
dan: I'm not going to be afraid... not afraid...   
  
nimmy: oh please don't be.  
  
harry: x_x you've killed merlin... you've killed melin...  
  
nimmy: GODDAMMIT HARRY! SHUT UP ALREADY! I've killed Merlin! get over it! I didn't mean to! He was old!   
  
harry: 0.0 wha--?  
  
dan: o.0   
  
harry and dan: ::exchange glances:: ((they are surprised at Nimmy's outburst))   
  
nimmy: ^^ *normal again*  
  
dan: two words, straight jacket.  
  
harry: you read my mind.  
  
dan: do you have one on you?  
  
harry: its not something I NORMALLY carry around, but *waves wand and a straight jacket appears* yeah...  
  
nimmy: what are you two wonderfully handsome guys going to do with that nice white jacket wotsits? *blissfully happy*  
  
harry: nimmy, this is for your own good. *puts straight jacket on her*   
  
nimmy: I'M RESTRAINED!! HOW IS IT FOR MY OWN GOOD?!  
  
dan: er... you can't hurt yourself... or others... i.e me and harry  
  
nimmy: ((A/N: the set has changed back to nimmy's set now, okay..? just clearing that up ^^;;)) *picks up envelope with her teeth; opens it* nnyaall git 'choo, nnyjaarry. *drops card and reads it* wake voldie up... alrighty! ::jumps onto voldie:: WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
voldemort: ::snort:: I PUT THE CHIPMUNK IN THE BASKET MUMMY! HUH?! wha--? why are you all staring at me like that?  
  
dan: o.0  
  
harry: for someone with all that power, you certainly are a dumbass...  
  
nimmy: o.0  
  
voldemort: HOW DARE YOU TALK TO ME AS SUCH! *jumps on harry and tries to strangle him*  
  
nimmy: *gets bucket of water and dumps it on Voldie*  
  
harry: how'd you get out of your jacket?  
  
nimmy: us crazy people have our ways. PLUS you should be groveling at my feet for saving you...  
  
voldie: I'm meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelting... meeeeeeeeeelting.  
  
harry: if I had known that would have killed him, I would have done that a loooooong time ago.  
  
voldie: I'm not dead you fool!  
  
harry: hey! I'm not a fool! ::whines::  
  
nimmy: uh... yeah you are... GROVEL MORTAL!  
  
harry: o.0 wtf?!  
  
nimmy: er... sorry... I just get a little carried away. You aren't a fool... well maybe a bit... but promise me you'll never love another.  
  
harry: o.0 er...  
  
dan: I can promise you that...  
  
nimmy: huh? wha? *turns around*  
  
dan: *nods*  
  
nimmy: YAY! can you make me famous?!  
  
dan: er... well...  
  
nimmy: never mind... *stands up on chair* HE LOVES ME! I'm loved! LOVED I TELL YOU! LOVE-- *falls off chair* ow...   
  
dan and harry: 0.0   
  
dan: straight jacket...?  
  
harry: no, mental hospital.  
  
nimmy: I'M THE AUTHOR! YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!   
  
harry and dan: ::carry her off stage::  
  
harry: *you hear him* OW MY HAND!  
  
nimmy: EEEHEEHEEEHEEE!!! *runs back on stage*   
  
dan: *chases her*   
  
harry: ow... she used the pizza on my hand... ow... the... paaaaaaaaaaain.  
  
dan: DAMMIT HARRY! GET UP! It was just pizza!!  
  
nimmy: *wakes snape up*  
  
snape: 20 POINTS FROM GRYFFINDOR!!! HUH?! Oh yes... hullo Nimmy.  
  
nimmy: hi. er... I know I've been mean to you, and poked you when you were asleep, but I'd like to ask a favor...  
  
snape: well I suppose...  
  
nimmy: thanks... er... I need to make sure they *scowls at harry and dan* don't sent me to the mental hospital.  
  
snape: whatever for? you're a perfectly normal, strange girl.  
  
nimmy: that's what I've been telling them, but they won't lis-- ACK NOOOO!!  
  
harry: *puts her in a straight jacket* I'm sorry nimmy.  
  
nimmy: harry, I'll get you. Sleep with one eye open...  
  
harry: ::wimpers::  
  
dan: you know she isn't going to kill you.  
  
nimmy: and how do you know that?  
  
dan: because you think he's hot.  
  
nimmy: I- I do...? oh damn, okay I do.  
  
dan: see...?  
  
snape: just let her go, you're giving me a headache.  
  
*they let her go*  
  
nimmy: thank you, Snape... er... Professor Snape.  
  
snape: *rubs his head* okay... just... go... and leave me alone.  
  
nimmy: *shrugs* okie dokie... 


	4. Dan is introduced to Crookshanks Rather ...

Nimmy: And now for a commercial break...  
  
*camera cuts for a moment, but you can still hear talking*  
  
Harry: Hi Hermione and Ron...*is quiet for a moment* and Crookshanks  
  
*you hear Ron's heavey footsteps come over to Harry, and then a loud hiss*  
  
Ron: Aww shit! Harry, your clone stepped on the cat again! And it's gone barmy!  
  
Dan: Oh my GOD! The cat's got my leg! Get it off!  
  
*camera flicks on and you see Dan dancing around to get the cat off his leg; his trouser leg is torn*  
  
*Hermione has her hands over her mouth, her eyes wide, Ron is standing staring at the cat, Harry is laughing, Nimmy is polishing "her staff", Snape is singing to himself, and Voldemort is dead... or so we think*  
*Voldemort is laying unconcious on the floor*  
  
Nimmy: *hums Harry Potter theme to herself and continues polishing*  
  
*Dan is trying to shake Crookshanks (who is hissing and clawing at his hands and leg) off his leg, he hops around and out of veiw of the camera*  
  
Ron: You know, Harry, you should really keep a closer eye on that clone of your's...  
  
*Dan weaves in and out of the camera's veiw, his screams get louder as he nears*  
  
Hermione: *glances at Dan* He's right though...  
  
Harry: *exasperated* For the last time! He's not my bloody clone!  
  
*Dan runs past again and off, you still hear him even though he's off stage*  
  
Dan: *crash* BLOODY HELL! *crash* *thud*  
  
*Crookshanks meows loudly accompanied by a hiss... from Dan*   
  
*Dan comes out holding Crookshanks by the tail*  
  
Dan: Sorry about your... umm... cat... I'll get you another one  
  
Hermione: *starts to cry* Oh my GOD! *snatches crookshanks and cradles him* My poor cat! Ron! This is YOUR fault!  
  
Ron: MY fault?!  
  
Dan: *backs up nervously*  
  
Harry: Its the cat's fault!  
  
Dan: *echo's* Too right, the cat, the cat.  
  
Harry: *looks at Dan and then back at Hermione* 'Mione he's sorry okay?  
  
Ron: Hey, I didn't say I was sorry  
  
Harry: *glares at Ron* Yes you did, remember? *narrows eyes*  
  
Ron: Ohh... Right, right.   
  
Harry: And 'Mione, he'll buy you a new one.  
  
Dan: *echo* Right! A new cat!  
  
Ron: Hold it! Mr. Echo, here did the damage! he should buy the cat!  
  
Dan: *echo* Yes, Yes, Mr. Echo... *stops* HEY! I did NOT! You did!!   
  
Ron: No... You stepped on the bloody cat, not me!  
  
Dan: No... YOU DID!  
  
Ron: Don't deny it, clone, *narrows eyes* you did it.   
  
Hermione: Yeah, but Ron, you told me to bring Crookshanks!  
  
Ron: Yes, but I was hoping he would get hit by a truck! *covers mouth and turns red* I mean, I thought he might enjoy the fresh air!  
  
Hermione: WHAT?! THIS IS THE CITY! THERE IS NO FRESH AIR!!! *strangles Ron*  
  
Harry: *tries to pull Hermione off Ron* This... *struggle* Is... so... *struggle* unlike you, Hermione!!   
  
Ron: *gag*  
  
Harry: *succeeds in pulling hermione off*   
  
Hermione: *hair is all in her face and she is all flushed*  
  
Nimmy: Now, now, no fighting in the studio... *doesn't look up from staff*  
  
*Merlin enters gasping for air*  
  
Merlin: *wheez* You!  
  
Nimmy: *points to herself and looks at the staff then hides it behind her back* Me?  
  
Merlin: No, Harry! *points a gnarled finger at harry*  
  
Harry: *points to himself* I'm not, Harry! *points to the dead cat* THAT's Harry...   
  
Merlin: *looks stunned* The cat?  
  
Harry: *nods* Yes, poor Harry, bless his soul.  
  
Merlin: The cat? *again, he is stunned*  
  
Harry: What? Are you deaf or something?! OFCOURSE THE CAT!  
  
Merlin: Oh... my, my, what a foul mouth you have. YOU should be the cat.  
  
Harry: I am a cat *gets down on all fours, and meows nervously* I mean... umm... Merw... Merw... Meow....  
  
*Ron, Nimmy, Hermione, and Snape all look at Harry as though he's lost his mind*  
  
Merlin: Dear God! Have you lost your mind, boy?!  
  
Nimmy: *steps in front of harry* *nods sadly* *sighs dramatically* Yes, I'm afraid he has... He's... a bit... *leans into whisper in Merlin's ear* Mad...  
  
Merlin: *clicks his tongue* Oh... That is so sad.  
  
Nimmy: Hey! Aren't YOU that old man that I accidentally killed?  
  
Merlin: I wasn't dead.  
  
Nimmy: That I NEARLY killed?  
  
Merlin: Well when you put it like that, yes, I was, I mean, I am.  
  
Nimmy: You stole a twenty from my purse.  
  
Merlin: I did? Wait... what's a twenty?  
  
Nimmy: umm... never mind... No, you didn't... I was just trying to get some money, I'm broke.  
  
*Voldemort rises up*  
  
Voldie: I feel like a new man! I want to dance!  
  
Nimmy: *jaw drops* Excuse me.  
  
Ron: Man? I thought you were a hot babe...  
  
Hermione: I thought you were dead!  
  
Voldie: I was.  
  
Ron: You were what?  
  
Voldie: *realizes his error* Dead... I'm not a "babe."   
  
Harry: But you said... I mean... *remembers that he is in the presence of Merlin* meow.  
  
Merlin: *gasps* ITS.... YOU?!  
  
Voldie: Who is this?!!!  
  
Harry: umm... meow... meow...   
  
Merlin: Son?!  
  
Voldie: Father?!  
  
*they hug eachother, and walk off the set, into a beautiful sunset*  
  
Nimmy: Man... That was weird...  
  
Snape: He stole my lover...!  
  
Nimmy: Who?  
  
Snape: Um... Merlin!! Now I will be forced to hit on my students, and take away points from Gryffindor if they say that I am a sexual harrasser!!  
  
Nimmy: My GOD! What are you smoking?! you are sick, twisted little man!  
  
Snape: I'm not a man, you know! And I'm not little... Wait... did that sound wrong?  
  
Nimmy: Oh MY GOD!  
  
Ron: *cries* I thought you were hot! Oh well... now its okay to think you're hot.  
  
Hermione: *looks at Ron* You're bi?!   
  
Ron: I thought you knew!  
  
Hermione: NO! I didn't!!! How could you keep it from me!!!  
  
Ron: Oh come on, baby! You know I love you!  
  
Harry: *snorts* Yeah, like fire loves rain.  
  
Dan: *echo's* Rain, rain.  
  
Harry: *turns to Dan* Would YOU shut up, and stop repeating me?!  
  
Ron: Only if you were to kiss me passionately.  
  
Dan: *looks eager* Okay.  
  
Ron: I mean Harry, you bozo!  
  
Hermione: *gasps as Harry goes over to Ron*  
  
Nimmy: Woah... *squeezes eyes shut* Okay... maybe just a peek... *opens one eye*  
  
Hermione: *slaps Harry* Don't you dare.  
  
Nimmy: HERMIONE! YOU SPOIL SPORT! I mean... Harry, I'm appalled!   
  
Ron: Oh come on, you know you like it.  
  
Nimmy: If it was Harry and Dan I would like it better...  
  
Hermione: NIMMY!  
  
Nimmy: HERMIONE!   
  
Ron: HARRY!  
  
Harry: *doesn't know who's name to say* umm... HARRY! Wait... that's me... I mean NIMMY!!!  
  
Hermione: Okay, Ron... This is mad, I'm leaving you for Draco, I've been having an affair with him.  
  
Ron: AN AFFAIR!!?  
  
Harry: WITH A MALFOY?!!!  
  
Hermione: He's sweet, and he is really hot.  
  
Nimmy: Oh my god, I know!  
  
Hermione: *turns to Nimmy and giggles* He is sooo cute!!!  
  
Nimmy: I know! *nods* Harry and him....  
  
Hermione: Oh my gosh! I know!!  
  
Harry: Did I miss something? *to Ron*  
  
Ron: *has his eyes closed* Oh its beautiful... umm *opens eyes* Shhhh... You're ruining it... *closes his eyes*  
  
Harry: Ruining what?   
  
Ron: You and Draco.  
  
Harry: Oh GOD! That's sick! Get me out of your head! Wait... what am I wearing? NO! Get me out of there!!!  
  
Ron: *smile spreads across his face* mmmm... boxers....  
  
Nimmy: *looks away from Hermione and puts her hands on Ron's shoulders* I wish I could see that!!!  
  
Ron: *opens his eyes* OY! GET OFF!!!  
  
Hermione: *closes her eyes* I'm liking this game... *snickers*  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
A/N: I am going to try to write this as a short story, I figure it will be fun. Lots of non icky luuuuurrvv!!   
xoxo  
Nimmy 


End file.
